Mewd (mewd) wrote,

Dorp Trip 2012 (Ocean City Arc Episode 2)

First thing in the morning: MARIO PARTY 2! Let's play ADVENTURE LAND! Adventure Land sucks! This was a bad idea! ProZD gets stuck on an island for virtually the entire game. But he still does really well because he wins every single minigame every single time. But Wiggy manages a from behind victory with Luigi and stops Bowser from bullying that one Koopa Troopa temporarily.

So, we're at the beach house. That means there's a beach. We decide that we should GO TO that beach, because it's there.

On the same street as the condo, there's this castle like structure that someone lives in. Sarah is HORRIBLY disappointed that we aren't staying there instead. Because it's a mini-castle, and has holes for pouring burning oil through to stop intruders even.

Everyone is ready for the beach, except Wiggy who doesn't even remotely care about the beach. He lives in Florida. The ocean is old news. He does, however, cast a longing glance a tennis court we pass on the way, which is something he'd probably want to do so much more.

It was pretty hot you guys. The shade is so nice.

Oh man, so nice.

Guys, it's a beach. Are you nerds ready to get super sunburnt, because I am. Smear that suntan lotion thick.

This is the fan service episode of Dorp. Next season we go to the hot springs.

Siro's trunks are perfect for him. Perfect.

SungWon winces because a girl is touching him. EW.

After we've all disrobed, our glorious paunchy gamer flab is there for everyone to see. Though Wilco has some fancy diving suit shirt so his chest remains a mystery to girl dorps. (Spoiler: More gamer flab)

We go down to the shore, and the waves are SERIOUS down there. It rams you over and over again, pushing you back. We stand in formation, shouting 'HOLD THE LINE' and try to fight the ocean. This continues with us getting beaten up indefinitely.

I can't stand nearly as much of it as the others. My foot is covered in sores and attempting to grip my feet against sand, waist deep in water, begins to prove painful. Blue, Wilco, Siro, Sarah and Wiggy, who aren't pussies, fight the ocean for like an hour. They get tossed around like crazy, and the further out they go, the harsher the ocean gets.

SungWon leaves the fray early. He accidentally waded into the ocean with his cell phone on him. It's ruined, and he feels like an idiot even though it's an honest mistake anyone would make. Plans are formulated to get it replaced later.

After people start coming back, people start digging in the sand. We could do something productive with this but no, we're just making a hole. We decide to bury someone in it to justify it, but this turns into an extreme amount of effort.

Here Sarah and I are, buried in the Love Hole. It is actually rather comfy to be buried in sand, although breathing becomes more laborious. Then there's the task of getting out.

More fan service. Ya like pasty? We got ya covered.

Fan... service? You know what, never mind. Beach episode over.

We head back to the condo. On the way back we pass by the green Turtle for photo ops.


The one thing Wiggy enjoys doing today.

We get into this convoluted game of calling second and third for showers on the way back before anyone actually starts calling first. Sarah seizes the opportunity.

Beaches make you really sandy and disgusting and no one wants to stay sandy. I put off my shower, deciding to make everyone PIZZA. SungWon goes and gets a new free phone from AT&T and gets to come back to COLD PIZZA. MMM. I made two. Meat Lovers with extra cheese, pepperoni and bacon, and veggie with belle peppers, onion, mushrooms and tomato and extra cheese.I probably should have re thunk the mushrooms though, because of Wiggy. Sarah makes a rival Gourmet pizza with bacon and Gouda cheese. It's really good. There is only barely enough pizza to go around though, it seemed.

We settle in and there is Mario Party 3 and Hearts. I get a refresher on the game and Sarah plays too. Sarah is interesting at card games because whenever she plays, she thinks really hard and takes her time and then she wins. Which apparently is something that SungWon's mom does as well.

Mario Party 3 has REALLY WEIRD minigames. I only watch it from afar, though, and play Mario Party 2 when it's my go. We have run ins with Space Land and every time it gets close to finishing the game crashes. Also, Wilco keeps playing as Donkey Kong even though Donkey Kong is CLEARLY jinxed. The first time the game crashed, it was because Wilco was ground pounding the carpet like DK in despair.

There's this span of time where we are basically comatose. Food and ocean fights kind of wear a person out. Around here, Me, Siro and Blue get groceries. We joke that this is like the writers of our lives sticking characters who don't interact as often. We get more cereal, buy Wilco some apple juice (he threatens that if we don't supply him, he will probably physically evaporate.) and snacks. It is the least traumatic of any of our grocery trips.


TIME TO GO TO THE BOARDWALK CARNIVAL! Wow, Sarah, lighten up. Carnivals are fun.

Right where we park is the only ride that matters. The Haunted House! I pay for Sarah's ticket because it's clearly not something she will enjoy. We ride a cozy two person coffin on rails into dark rooms, where mannequins loom at us and blast stock sound effects. Fleshy green rabbits shriek in corners. It is incredibly goofy. Blue makes a game of pointing out the emergency exit signs throughout the ride.

Honestly, the most affective thing about the ride is the pitch black room where you ride in silence and nothing happens. The anticipation is worse than anything they actually could muster.



Siro wants to celebrate our survival. Blue is just gonna leave him hangin'.


Heading to the real rides, we face the logistics of paying for tickets when there are eight of us and it's cheaper to buy the tickets in bulk. We go through some unnecessarily complicated negotiations any time we decide we want to ride something. Really, though, buying forty tickets only really saves us a dollar, so we really should've just each bought our own?

Here is how things go down. People go on fun rides and I function as the wallet/glasses/purse holder until they get back. I don't like rides that throw you around physically or go really fast. This is why I can't enjoy water slides and am a robot without emotions.

Wilco, you have to calm down. Yes, you went really fast. That's awesome I guess. Calm down.

This ride is called the Zipper. Sarah and SungWon watch it, wondering. No one winds up going for it though. Maybe there is regret, deep inside. Or the relief of not throwing your life away.

I took exactly one thousand pictures on the tilt-o-whirl in pursuit of a single good picture. This one is adequate.

Wiggy. Is this ride like sitting down at home or something to you?


We wind up doing the Hall of Mirror, because that is totes more my speed.

I zip through it almost instantly, but then we have the odd conundrum where the others don't want to solve the maze just by following the person ahead of them, so they wait around diddling on their phones until it's their turn. But there is a glimmering moment where I watch outside and wonder if they've just resigned themselves to life inside the maze.

We pass by the Arabian Themed Fun House and it is incredibly strange and kinda racist.

Team Bench likes to sit down and not go on fun rides.

SungWon, you have to sit down. You can't hang onto the outside of the ride.


Our heroes return triumphant.

This pint-sized carousal is trying REALLY hard to skirt copyright infringement.

The gang asks if there is anything that *I* want to do, since all I am doing is sitting on benches. After some "I guess I'll eat the ginger" waffling, I decide I want to do that Fun House.

Yes. This was The Right Choice.

SURPRISE! This isn't a ride. It's just a dungeon, to trap you!!

Wilco defeats the evil wizard.

But then! Oh no! ProZD is possessed by the Evil Wizard's ghost!

Pray for Evil Wizard.

The inside of the Fun House is COVERED in this awesome, ugly, somewhat racist depictions of middle-eastern folklore.



...I.. There is seriously something wrong with that Aladdin.¤t=100_3711.mp4

The actual gimmicks of this place are usually segments where the floor is unreliable, twisting or jutting, and they have to pay a dude to stand there and make sure you don't hurt yourself and that everyone goes one at a time.

Every one of us makes a point to showboat our way through the tube.




This thing is terrifying regardless of the angle.

So, the Fun House was worth it entirely for the photo ops.

We cut through the arcade to regroup. It is noisy in here and there is one of those carousals that has a billion different animals on it to entice you into thinking it is more often than a regular carousal (it is)

You know, I'm an apologist for clowns, but even I have to admit that this waste bin is creepy as all get out.

It has been a full day, and we hold counsel on our next course of action. With a backdrop of bumpercars, we conclude it is time for food.

Ah yes, the Pepsi Ferris Wheel. Sarah and I planned to go on this, but the price was too ridiculous. (You had to pay for an entire park's worth of rides we didn't have the energy for)

What a strange arcade. What a strange name. What were they thinking?

Guys, this is the promised land. Before the trip happened, Wiggy was scouring the Internet for the best places to eat in Ocean City. His travel agent gene helped him filter out the garbage places and locate Thrasher's Fries. This is Valhalla for Wiggy, a lover of fried foods. Their fry buckets here are enormous, and we joked we'd buy Wilco one and force him to eat the whole thing. Instead, we buy two giant buckets and share them between the whole group. They apparently lived up to Wiggy's expectations.

We sit on the curb, eating frozen bananas and fries. This is one of those reflective moments where you are exhausted from fun and realize how great a day it's been.

It's getting dark, this place is still hopping though. We decide we need to fatten up some more and find more variety for supper.

We discover Pizza Cones, which is another American original that Wilco is forced to consume. They are exactly what you would expect. It is pizza, in a cone. You can purge later. Put it in your mouth now. Wilco, you have evolved into an American. I'm proud of you.

We hang out along an alley, consider getting Tarot readings (By Jean!) and sipping milkshakes, lemonade or soft drinks respectively. Sarah pans the idea, as tarot readings are bunk. (Well, yes. They are.) She was told once in one that she was great with numbers and should be an accountant. Pfft.

We walk out on the beach and chill for a while. Just hang out in the evening. We can't actually walk to the shore, sadly, because it's strangely taped off and forbidden. Safety reasons? I don't know. There's a patrol keeping people away, but we can bunk down on the sand. Because we don't have enough sandy clothes yet. We take turns telling a ghost story, about a scary skeleton who really wants to fall in love with a lady. BUT OH NO ITS SCARY!

Sarah and I are the most uncomfortably awkward couple.

Does she have a thing for men with creepy stares? That has to be it.

It's around here that my camera runs out of juice and it's so sad. It's the tail end of our time at the boardwalk anyway. We find out the ferris wheel is a no-go, and start the trek back to the cars. I'm dreading the cost of parking, as this is one of those places where after a while they start charging you in like twelve minute intervals. It turns out to not be that bad, though.

We return home and play Cards against humanity. Notable hands this time include gems like:

The National Sports Leagues has banned the use of uppercuts from Baseball.

In a world ruined by The Oedipus Complex our only solace is dead parents

After this, there is poker. I play against Wiggy and ProZD and do very nicely. I walk away from the table with double my stakes (5 dollar profit.) ProZD keeps asking me if it feels good to win whenever I pull off a nice round. It does, but not as much as you'd think. I see gambling like this in terms of spending five dollars to have fun with friends. Whether I win or lose is unimportant.

Though people get indignant with me as I have a tendency to raise the stakes of any given hand all the time. Because I'm a punk. In the Poker Night at the Inventory casting, apparently I'm Strong Bad and Wiggy is Max.

At one point, the rest of the group (who are playing Mario Party) put down the controllers before someone rolls the dice and it is THE MOST GRATING SOUND IN THE UNIVERSE to hear for extended periods.

I fiddle with my camera more. It is starting to suck pretty bad. There might be sand in it or something, but it is fighting me using it normally now. Tomorrow, though, it's waterpark time. I won't get much use out of it anyway.
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