We arrive in Baltimore and collect Blue. He has been waiting here at the airport for like ten hours. He is probably dead inside.
"Don't even think of messing with me. See that guy over there? That's my body guard. He'll mess you up."
Days ago, Blue texted us asking if there was anything he should bring. We all demanded he get Jelly beans for Wiggy. Blue failed to get us these jellybeans for Wiggy. He has excuses, related to not wanting dicks getting into jellybeans, which is a likely story.
We now have the difficult task of grouping up with Anne Marie and SungWon and acquiring the rental car. So of course we almost instantly get distracted by pirate boats.
We'll be driving to ocean city (3 hour drive) in a pair of cars, four dorps per car. We have lunch at Subway and wait around for Anne Marie to show up, exchanging confused calls. We meet up with them outside of ground transport, where it is incredibly loud, and try and shout out how we are going to get the rental car back here.
We decide that Anne Marie, Sarah and I will take the shuttle and drive the rental car back while the others wait by Anne Marie's car. The shuttle takes us on a ten minute car ride to the rental facility, and Anne Marie is indignant that it isn't physically at the airport and complicates our plans.
At the enterprise counter, I have to swallow my pride and ask to use Sarah's iphone. I need my itenary to prove that I'm coming back to the airport in order to pay with a debit card. My itenary, you may remember, was used as a bookmark in the library book I left at home. Sarah's smart phone saves the day and I have to grit my teeth a little.
Getting back to the airport is stressful. We get lost, winding up at the wrong parking facility entirely. This all is kind of a logistical nightmare, and the longer we're separated from the group the antsier we are to get this show on the road. Again, iPhones are used to save the day through GPS.
We group up with the others who have been goofing off outside of Anne Marie's car. We split into rival factions, Wiggy, Siro and Sarah are in my car while SungWon, Wilco and Blue are in Anne Marie's car. Over the course of this leg of the trip, which car you are riding in will become a hotly contested issue.
Anne Marie's car is the sing along car. They sing Disney songs while they drive and are therefore instantly better than anything my car has to offer. Which is mostly conversation and classical music and driving slower than the other car.
While driving, there is a billboard for some business called Queen Anne's, which of course causes everyone in Anne Marie's car to obnoxiously refer to her as that for the duration of the drive. Also, and I forget the context behind this, there is talk of Herpes Sundaes.
Siro, periodically calls the other car to scream hatefully at them and also verify the direction we will be heading in.
I'm following Anne Marie's car, but apparently not fast enough. My driving education stresses that I should be a car length away from the car in front of me for every ten miles I am driving. This allows more aggressive drivers to get between us, and frustration with the other group where I don't close gaps between us that aggressively. Anne Marie is used to speeding so this is not kosher.
Also, I just like driving slow.
We cross the Chesapeake bridge, which has a toll but we are so impressed by its scale and size that we don't mind so much. I would have photos, only I was DRIVING THE CAR GEEZ.
Half way there, we stop at Burger King. Which MYSTIFIES us as there are a million better restaurants neighboring it. This is a tradition for Anne Marie, however.
I like to think that SungWon is ALWAYS this quizzical when entering a Burger King.
He senses something. What is it?
The staff is perplexed when we insist we need a cardboard crown when we are not five years old. All Hail Queen Anne!
Of course this results in EVERY ONE OF US needing a photo op.
So regal, so proud.
Yeah, I'm the Burger King? Whadya want?
I AM IN CHARGE OF BURGERS AND I AM MAD
What? You don't like burgers? How about we curb stomp your face, punk?
Emperor and Empress.
Well that was a glorious waste of time, let's get this show on the road!
Sarah wanted to drive the car so badly, saying it looked a lot like her car. So I let her have a shot at it. Reluctantly, as the rental car place only has insurance for me.
Sarah is a much more aggressive driver than me and would be downright unsafe according to the rules that I am accustomed. She also actually knows how to keep up with Anne Marie. I am very nervous that the car is moving fast.
Siro jokes that the closer we get to ocean city, the tackier everything is going to get. This is true for a while, but then we hit mostly rural setting and it is corn and trees forever, and then SUDDENLY things get tacky like a slap in the face.
We listen to ROCK! radio station which actually has really good music. I wouldn't let Sarah blast music super loud while I was driving (I can't concentrate if things are loud), but now that she is in charge she injures my fragile ear drums.
The rest of the drive is a straight shot without much to worry about, but there is an exit we have to hit and Sarah gets REALLY MAD at this driver tailgating Anne Marie and her aggressive driving to one up the chump makes me super reluctant to let her drive again after that.
We come to the end of Ocean City Gateway Road, onto a bridge with huge expanses of ocean water and arrive on an island that bleeds tourism. We pass Dinosaur minigolf and INSTANTLY Siro gets a call from the other car about how exciting that is. DINOSAUR GOLF!!
In Ocean city, there is a Sunsations beach supply store and a Dough rollers pizzeria approximately every twenty feet. It is ridiculous.
We turn onto Captain's Quarter's road, right after the Green Turtle Pub. We park on the street and watch as an ice cream truck crawls by, seemingly stalking us as we head towards the Beach House. Apparently the driver was really hoping we'd cave in.
The Beach House is Anne Marie's family condo. It is within walking distance of the shore and is pretty cozy. There are three beds, sofas and Anne Marie brought sleeping bags. Our group is set.
We don't wind up doing much with the dock outside apart from hanging towels, but it's nice!
We crash for a while. The air conditioning is a relief from the humidity and the drive was a long one. The group muses on how it would be awesome to actually live in a place like this with dorps on a regular basis.
One of the first things we do is whip out the vegemite and record a video. There are consequences.
Next, we play Cards against Humanity. It's like Apples to Apples except more mean spirited and absurd. Some sample winning lines include:
Life's latest biographical documentary: Doing the Right Thing, the story of Count Chocula.
Create a poem using three cards: Hope. Auschwitz. Dead Parents.
What does Grandma find disturbing yet charming? Grandma.
I also snoop around the kitchen to see what supplies are available. Within minutes of being here I know what the kitchen houses better than Anne Marie does.
After this, the group splits up and Anne Marie, Wilco, Sarah and I go grocery shopping at the Food Lion. Where actual lions work. I need to buy ingredients for the pizza I want to make the group, while Wilco wants to make us an Australian breakfast. We get cereal and other snacks to pacify us between restaurants.
Sarah and I have a bit of a scuffle, as she has lots of suggestions for my pizza but all I want is to make MY pizza the normal way, my iconic way. I do have to make compromises, though, as I don't want to spend the money on a rolling pin. The pre-made crust just isn't the same. Sarah decided to make her own pizza alongside the ones I was making, which worked out reasonably since the pre-made crust came in a 3-pack. Hers would have gouda cheese on it, and might've trumped mine, though we never got a verdict one way or the other.
Wilco, of course, needs apple juice.
We buy Corn Flakes and KOOOOOKIES cereal, the healthiest and least healthiest things we could find. Anne Marie reluctantly gets SungWon a sixpack of cream soda. At checkout, Sarah fills out a Food Lion form for a discount card even though she will never shop here again.
We return with food to find the others playing Mario Party 2. When I get a turn at it, it's horror Land. I try my best to outsed Wilco for king of spooks but fail. Sarah, who never really got to play Mario Party before, gets a crash course.
On a whim, I decide to make an egg. But then this turns into a ridiculous egg-fest as EVERYONE asks if we can make them an egg. We regret not getting more eggs at the grocery store.
The evening concludes with Chinchiro and Poker gambling in parallel with Mario Party. SungWon is concerned that I'd rather be playing Mario party because I keep glancing over, but it's just that the minigames are so ridiculous.
At poker, I walk away with a fifty cent debt. I turn in the night and get to cuddle with Sarah. Life is good.